No matter the specific circumstances, going through a divorce (or contemplating divorce) is often challenging, painful, and frustrating. It’s normal to experience conflicting, intense emotions that cycle rapidly throughout the day. 

Reading can provide some guidance and reassurance during this trying time. Here are our top recommendations to consider.

Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay: Mira Kirshenbaum

If you’re on the fence about getting divorced, you already know the agony of going back and forth about the quality of your marriage. You may feel torn- on the one hand, you love your partner. But, on the other hand, you might question if you’re really all that happy. 

This perpetual indecision may make you feel stuck. You may try to suppress or ignore that nagging voice in the back of your mind. But pretending problems don’t exist doesn’t make those problems disappear. 

This book is simple, but it’s highly compelling and incredibly powerful. It covers 36 potential problems that can help you work through your ambivalence. In doing so, the author also asks you to examine your partner while also reflecting inward. If you’re seeking genuine clarity and want to commit to following through with a decision, this book is worth the read. 

You Can Heal Your Heart: Louise L. Hay and David Kessler

Divorce can trigger numerous fears about rejection, abandonment, and a loss of personal identity. However, if you identify as simply feeling brokenhearted, you know the anguish of losing your spouse.

This book provides insights on how to develop a sense of self-compassion and self-awareness for moving forward. It combines positive, uplifting affirmations with evidence and professional experience about working with grief. After reading it, you can expect to feel some sense of hope and clarity about healing. 

It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Megan Devine

Divorce may represent a profound sense of loss. You may be grieving the partner you once had, the life you lived, and the future dreams you made together. And that’s not all-you might also be suffering from other associated losses, such as the change in your routine or needing to move to a new home, or having to cut ties with certain mutual friends. 

Therefore, divorce can trigger a grief response, which may trigger everything from denial to bargaining (what could I have done differently?) to immense anger. While this book doesn’t focus exclusively on divorce, it does focus on the universal human experience associated with grief and loss.

This book will help you understand the core concepts of grief and review the key differences between pain and suffering. Keep in mind it won’t offer you any guaranteed quick fixes. Instead, Devine aims to give you radical permission to feel your feelings and be honest with yourself about your experience. 

The Co-Parenting Handbook: Karen Bonnell and Kristen Little

If you and your spouse had children together, you might be feeling uncertain about splitting parenting responsibilities. After all, you don’t want your children to suffer. And if your divorce was contentious, it’s normal to worry about how you two will correspond moving forward. 

While amicable co-parenting may come naturally to some couples, that’s more of an exception than the rule. Most people need defined guidelines and boundaries when it comes to being on the same page for their children. 

This book provides the nuts and bolts of what it takes to raise well-adjusted children in two homes. It reviews strategies for managing your emotions and practicing healthy communication as well as handling the day-to-day tasks that affect your kids. 

You’re Getting Divorced...Now What?: Sandra Radna

The prospect of divorce creates endless questions, particularly when it comes to navigating the confusing legal system. How do you find the right attorney? What costs can you expect to incur? How do you protect your children if your ex becomes vicious and wants to retaliate?

Knowing some of these answers ahead of time can help prepare you as you build your case. Written by a qualified divorce attorney in a step-by-step approach, this book answers all the questions you have (and some you probably didn’t realize you have). As a result, you’ll be more familiar with the legal system and have an idea of what to expect.

Are You Going Through a Divorce? 

Divorce is a challenging experience that affects everyone differently. Remember that there is nothing wrong with how you feel right now. It’s normal to oscillate between different thoughts and feelings, particularly if you’re coping with other life stressors at the same time.

Therapy can help you feel supported during this process. It offers a safe and non-judgmental environment to share your feelings while learning healthy coping skills. You don’t have to endure this time alone. Elevate Counseling is located in Hinsdale, Illinois. We're here to help you figure what's right for you.