You probably know that anger is a normal emotion, but what happens when typical irritation feels out of control? Have you stopped to consider what else might be happening? Have you asked yourself what other feelings might trigger this rage? 

While all emotions are valid, some of them tend to be more domineering than others. Anger can create quite an illusion- you think you’re frustrated, but that intense feeling may be a symptom of something far more insidious.

Understanding the anger iceberg can help you reframe your emotions and identify healthier ways to cope with them. Mastering this skill can improve your confidence, communication with others, and overall well-being. Let’s get into what you need to know.

What Is the Real Function of Anger?

Anger is a healthy emotion aimed to help with self-preservation. When we feel threatened, we often become angry to avoid vulnerability and mitigate risk. 

In some ways, anger is rooted in survival. It helps us detect potential threats and maintain safety with others. 

For example, let’s say you become angry with your spouse after forgetting to pick up your dry cleaning. Why would this reaction happen? The anger could represent feeling betrayed and unimportant- your partner didn’t prioritize your needs at that moment. Your survival instincts may have interpreted their simple mistake as them potentially abandoning you. 

What Is the Anger Iceberg?

The anger iceberg assumes that, despite our outward expression of anger, we often experience other feelings underneath it. 

Using the previous example, you can see how anger acts as a protective measure against more raw, unprocessed emotions. These emotions can include:

• Fear 

• Shame

• Guilt

• Inferiority 

• Sadness

• Powerlessness

Those emotions can be vulnerable. You might not be used to sharing them with other people, or even sharing them with yourself. Anger often acts as a shield preventing us from expressing those intimate feelings. 

For instance, instead of telling your partner that you felt betrayed or insignificant when they forgot to pick up your dry-cleaning, you might respond with a nasty comeback like, you never think about me! 

But by processing these underlying emotions, you can gain better insight into your patterns, vulnerabilities, and other problematic behaviors. You also make yourself far more receptive to taking and integrating feedback from others. 

When Does Anger Become Problematic?

Anger itself is just an emotion, and emotions are just neutral reactions to the stimuli around us. However, we can become harmful when we react to our anger. This anger can also become problematic if we don’t understand it fully. 

Unrefined anger can cause tension within your relationships and affect your self-esteem. In more severe cases, it can result in destructive issues like domestic violence, emotional abuse, hostility, aggression, and poor communication habits. 

Spend some time and think about your relationship with anger. Are you aware of the triggers that affect your mood? Have you developed healthy coping skills that can reduce anger’s impact? Subsequently, are you willing to work on yourself and take the necessary steps to practice more stress management? 

How Can You Understand Your Anger Better?

Understanding anger takes time and effort. Most of the time, we react without really thinking about our innermost feelings. We respond in ways that feel familiar and automatic to us.

Identify Your Other Feelings 

The next time you feel angry, pause for a moment. Consider what else you might be feeling. Are you anxious? Afraid? Sad? 

If you aren’t sure how you’re feeling, familiarize yourself with the feelings wheel. You might realize that you’re experiencing several different emotions at the same time, and that’s normal!  

Take Ten Deep Breaths

Before you even respond, force yourself to complete several deep breaths. You can do this exercise with or without your eyes closed. Inhale your breath deeply for five counts until you’ve taken in as much air as you can. Then, exhale. 

Repeat the same pattern ten more times. This exercise helps you stay mindful. It also decreases your heart rate and can reduce an excess release of cortisol.

Focus on the Solution

Something bad happened! It wasn’t fair, and you’re still angry over it! Now what?

Instead of stewing with pessimism, try to move into action-mode. What can you do right now to feel better? What can you control at this moment? Focus on that, and you will probably notice that your anger no longer feels so intense. 

Final Thoughts

Understanding your anger iceberg allows you to have greater insight into your emotional well-being. By understanding your emotions, you will feel more empowered. You will also learn how to respond better to different emotional states. 

At Elevate Counseling, we aspire to help our clients understand their moods, feelings, and reactions. We know that anger can be challenging, but we also believe that you can learn to reframe your thoughts and improve your behaviors. We are here to support you on your journey. Elevate Counseling + Wellness is located in Hinsdale, Illinois.