Have you ever really paid attention to all the self-loathing and criticism playing on repeat inside your head? Does all that negative self-talk prevent you from taking risks, being yourself, or even enjoying life? 

Our inner voice guides so much of what we do. But if that voice is harsh and critical, you may feel defeated and insecure. You might berate yourself, thinking you should do better or be better. And all that pressure can take a significant toll on your mental health.

Fortunately, you can learn how to identify, challenge, and change negative self-talk. Here’s what you need to know.

Label Negative Self-Talk When It’s Happening 

It’s helpful to become more aware of when negative self-talk emerges. In addition, knowing specific patterns can help you prepare for them.

The next time you start criticizing yourself, stop and pause. Think about what emotions you’re experiencing. Consider what other thoughts or sensations are present. Then, reflect on the entire situation and evaluate what specific triggers might worsen the problem. 

You don’t need to judge yourself for engaging in negative self-talk (that often perpetuates the cycle). Instead, try to embrace having a curious and reflective stance. You’re here to learn more about yourself and grow as a wholehearted person!

Challenge Your Initial Beliefs

Don't believe everything you think! It’s tempting to assume that your first thought is the real thought. But thoughts are subjective, and they do not indicate a guaranteed truth.

For example, let’s say a friend doesn’t text you back. Your mind wanders into thinking she must be upset with you. You start thinking, I’m such a bad friend. Nobody likes me. I shouldn’t reach out again. This is all pointless. 

The spiraling can happen quickly, and it can be very intense! That’s why challenging these initial thoughts is so important. For example, you might ask yourself:

• What evidence do I have that supports or refutes this thought?

• What is another point of view on this thought?

• What would I tell a good friend experiencing this thought?

• What assumptions am I having about this situation?

• What is the worst-case scenario here? What other scenarios are probable?

Cultivate Greater Self-Esteem 

People with low self-esteem tend to struggle more with perfectionism, depression, anxiety, and compulsive behavior. They often look to external sources to feel validated or loved. 

Subsequently, healthy self-esteem naturally lends a hand to kinder self-talk. When you value yourself, you give yourself more permission to make mistakes and be a flawed human.

Building your self-esteem starts with a conscious choice. You must decide that you want to change the script for how you perceive yourself. You must also decide to regularly engage in intentional relationships, hobbies, and interests that honor your unique needs.

Self-care is part of self-esteem, but that means embracing a mindset of truly loving and accepting yourself. With that, you must also learn to fearlessly pursue what you value and ask for help when you need it. 

Surround Yourself With Support

Have you ever heard the saying, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with? Whether or not that’s absolutely true, you can’t deny that your relationships have a significant effect on your overall well-being. 

Negative people don’t just feel exhausting and frustrating- they also affect how you perceive yourself and make choices. Research shows that negativity is contagious, meaning that someone else’s toxic complaining can make you feel worse about yourself. 

The opposite is also true. If you spend time with positive, healthy people, their good spirits can leave a positive imprint.

With that in mind, try to spend your free time with people who make you feel good about yourself! This doesn’t mean they need to constantly validate or praise you- it simply means they have good boundaries, respect you, and value your relationship.

Practice More Gratitude

Regularly practicing gratitude can ground you into remembering what really matters in life. When you focus on your blessing, you tend to feel calmer and happier.

Ideally, you should focus on practicing inward gratitude. What do you like most about yourself? What traits have helped you succeed in life? What attributes make you a good friend, partner, or parent? 

At first, recognizing your strengths may feel awkward. But the more you practice acknowledging them, the more you honor the gifts you offer the world. Over time, that can help you feel more confident and courageous. 

Final Thoughts

There is no doubt that challenging negative self-talk takes time and effort. It’s a proactive process that may feel uncomfortable or even conceited, especially if you often feel insecure.

But self-love comes from a virtuous place of self-acceptance and forgiveness. You deserve to experience a fulfilling relationship with yourself!

Therapy can help you on your self-esteem journey. At Elevate Counseling, we are here to support you to heal, grow, and conquer your goals. Contact us today to schedule your free consultation.