If you’re going through fertility treatment and wonder if you’ve noticed an increase in depression, anxiety, or other mood changes, it’s probably not your imagination. Research shows that the emotional distress one experiences during infertility can be equally as intense as it is for someone with cancer, HIV or chronic pain.
It’s a legitimate medical condition, and one that warrants support. Whether you pursue counseling, a family therapist or a support group, infertility is not an experience you need to go through alone.
Why seek therapy for infertility?
While 1 in 8 couples face infertility, the experience can feel incredibly isolating. You may be keeping the struggle private, but even if you’ve shared you’ve likely heard plenty of hurtful comments from well-meaning friends and family. This minimizes your experience; talking with a therapist can validate what you’re going through.
Because infertility is not always acknowledged as a disease, treatment for the emotional components may be limited. That’s why it’s so important to connect with someone who can help you navigate the complexities. Infertility is a unique kind of grief because it is an invisible loss, also known as disenfranchised grief. It is a loss of hope and what you anticipated for the future.
Trauma can result from expectations that are rooted from the time we are young – the idea that, if we choose, we can grow up and start a family of our own. There is an expectation that we will be able to pass on family customs and traditions, and realizing that this is not a guarantee can be devastating.
The resulting emotions may leave you feeling emotionally and physically broken; it takes a toll on self-esteem and sense of self, especially if you’re typically driven and successful. This may be the first time you haven’t achieved a goal through hard work, and the subsequent grief often shows up as anger and frustration due a loss of control.
Consider couples counseling
Infertility can have a profound impact on a relationship. Partners may respond differently to the stress and grief, creating a negative cycle. For example, one partner may withdraw and the other may intensify emotions in order to connect – often in attempt to overcompensate.
Therapy is an opportunity to work through these complexities, as well as identifying underlying factors like financial concerns, uncertainty, differing opinions, and privacy.
Working with a therapist can help you come to terms with your decision as a couple – whether that is to continue treatment, try another route for family building like adoption or third-party reproduction, or move forward child-free.
How can I find support?
By reaching out for help, you can begin to process and cope with a journey you didn’t expect to be on. Talking to a therapist about the grief, loneliness, resentment, and other complicated emotions that accompany infertility goes a long way in helping you learn how to keep moving forward. Therapy can help you to recognize that infertility is just one part of your story – it is not your identity.
Whether it’s as an individual or a couple, therapy provides tools for stress management and emphasizes the importance of self-care – especially if you’ve lost sight of that in the midst of rigorous treatment. Your infertility doesn’t define you, and you don’t have to go through it alone. If you’re ready to get started, we’re here for support as you navigate the process.