You can't avoid stress, and you certainly can't prevent negative emotions.
To be human is to experience some emotional distress. But many of us have a really hard time knowing what to do with this distress. We withdraw or lash out or self-medicate our symptoms. Then, we wonder if our emotions are just entirely out-of-control.
The key isn't trying to control everything that happens to you. Instead, when you can focus on how you pause and react to intense emotions, you gain mastery over your responses.
Here's how you can improve emotion dysregulation even when everything feels out of control.
What to Do When You Experience Emotional Dysregulation
You know the feeling. That triggering something happens, and you're instantly unhinged. You feel hot and anxious. You're unstable and panicky. You absolutely must discharge this uncomfortable feeling, and you do. Maybe you yell at your child or devour that bag of chips or pour another glass of wine.
And while these emotional reactions do provide some instant relief, you know the pattern only makes things worse. This cycle then creates more shame, frustration, and helplessness.
Here are some instant skills you can use when your own emotions get the best of you:
Opposite Action Skill
Opposite action is rooted in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and it can be profoundly beneficial for anyone experiencing emotional dysregulation.
The premise is simple: think about how you typically respond to a specific emotion, then commit to engaging in the opposite reaction. For example, if you struggle with angry outbursts, instead of lashing out at someone, do an act of kindness. If shame makes you want to isolate yourself in your room, commit to going to that party or calling that friend. If fear makes you avoid the dreaded situation, commit to standing in front of your anxiety and facing it directly.
Opposite actions naturally strengthen emotional regulation because they provide corrective emotional experiences. Over time, you realize that you have more control and power over your mental health than you realize.
Cope Ahead Skill
Does the following scene sound familiar? You experience a stressful situation, and you act in ways you later regret. You know you need to change your behavior, but it almost feels like you're reacting on auto-pilot.
Fortunately, you can interrupt this cycle by focusing on your emotional response and desired behavior ahead of time. First, consider a triggering situation associated with intense emotions. Consider the facts and describe the situation with as much context as possible. Try to name the emotions you anticipate experiencing.
Then, describe the particular coping skills you'd like to use in this situation. Be as specific as possible and write them down. Outline exactly how you will regulate your emotions. Play this scene out using all five senses and try to immerse yourself in this future moment completely.
Feel Your Emotion Fully
At first, this suggestion may seem counterintuitive. After all, you're probably reading this because you feel like your emotions are too big and controlling. They seem larger than life, and you want to slow them down.
That said, dysregulated emotions aren't just cognitive. They live in the body, and they perpetuate your stress response. For this reason, many experts embrace the mindful approach that the only way out is through. In other words, you need to fully and mindfully ride out the emotion. The more you do this, the more you realize that emotions are just bodily sensations reacting to stimuli.
The next time you feel angry, ashamed, or anxious, ask yourself, Where does this feeling live in my body? Where is their tension? What color or shape does this emotion have?
In all of this, it's essential that you try to avoid judging your emotions. Instead, aim to be curious about its role in your body. Go into it rather than away from it (which is what most people do when they struggle with emotional suppression).
After identifying, validating, and exploring your feelings, take them one step further by releasing them. You can do this by journaling, doing physical movement (yoga, dance, running), screaming, or sharing it with a trusted loved one.
Advanced Emotional Dysregulation Reminders
- No emotion is good or bad, and mood swings are a normal part of the human experience
- Emotions are fleeting
- There is no universal 'normal' emotion
- Psychiatric disorders are often rooted in chronic emotional dysregulation
- The best treatment for anxiety disorders focuses on strengthening emotional regulation
- Traumatic events often coincide with significant emotional dysregulation.
- When you're emotionally dysregulated, you tend to exacerbate someone else's emotional dysregulation
- You cannot control the circumstances of your life. But when you learn to regulate emotion, you can strengthen impulse control, decrease symptoms of self-sabotage or self-harm, and live a happier and more fulfilling life
- Even small steps in the right direction can make an enormous difference in improving your stress response
How Emotional Dysregulation Treatment Can Improve Your Life
Emotional dysregulation impacts your self-esteem, relationships, and overall well-being. At the same time, learning to change your emotional responses can be incredibly transformative. As you decrease your emotional reactivity, you increase mastery and fulfillment in life.
That said, certain mental health conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, depression, and anxiety can make it challenging to implement emotion regulation skills. If you experience these mental health issues, working with a qualified therapist often makes all the difference.
Regardless of your circumstances, we are here to support your emotional wellness!