For so many of us, the pursuit of happiness seems to underlie every choice we make in life. We take that new job in hopes of feeling more fulfilled, end a relationship to find someone who makes us feel more connected, spend money on things we think will bring joy. Yet despite our constant striving, lasting happiness so often seems to elude our grasp.
Let’s take a closer look at what research really tells us about happiness - what actually has the power to increase your well-being and life satisfaction over the long run, and perhaps more importantly, what factors you often mistakenly believe will make you happy but actually fall short. By separating fact from fiction, you can learn to make choices aligned with your deepest values and priorities, leading to richer, more meaningful life.
Fiction #1: We Can Engineer Happiness
It's a common misconception that we can construct a happy life by planning out specific events or experiences. However, research shows that these temporary boosts of happiness don't have a lasting impact on our overall well-being. In fact, we often overestimate the happiness we'll derive from things like vacations and buying new possessions, often leading to disappointment and a feeling of emptiness when the experience is over.
The reason for this lies in our inability to accurately predict what will make us happy in the long run. Human beings have a built-in happiness set point that is largely determined by our genetic makeup and personality traits. While external factors can certainly influence our mood in the moment, they don't have a lasting effect on our baseline level of happiness.
What truly contributes to sustained happiness are the smaller, more consistent actions we take every day: cultivating meaningful friendships, engaging in work that aligns with our values, and taking care of our physical health through regular exercise and proper nutrition. By placing too much emphasis on fleeting experiences, we risk missing out on the true, lasting sources of joy in our lives.
Fiction #2: Your Problems Hold You Back
Do you find yourself blaming your problems for your unhappiness? If only I had a better job, lost weight or finally met the right partner, then I would be happy. It's a common misconception that solving our problems is the key to happiness. But here's the truth: accepting our unhappiness and understanding that it's a normal part of life is more powerful than trying to eradicate it.
Instead of viewing problems as obstacles, reframe your thinking and see them as opportunities for growth and learning. Challenges give us a chance to develop resilience, creativity, and problem-solving skills, all of which contribute to our overall happiness and fulfillment.
Additionally, we need life's ups and downs to appreciate the moments that are truly "happiness worthy". If everything was smooth sailing all the time we'd have little to gauge life's better moments against. As counterintuitive as it might seem, experiencing unhappy moments actually creates opportunities for happier times ahead.
Fiction #3: Happiness is a Destination
Many of us believe that happiness is a destination we arrive at. Some mystical place in the future that we believe if we work hard enough, sacrifice enough, and achieve enough, we'll finally reach. But this is a dangerous myth that can lead to burnout, stress, and disappointment.
The reality is happiness is not a destination but a direction. It’s unlikely, and frankly unrealistic, to believe you will achieve a place of complete happiness in this life. But wherever you are in your journey of life, and however satisfied or dissatisfied you naturally tend to be, you can be happier with self-knowledge, good habits, and a commitment to improve. By focusing on the present moment, celebrating your successes, and practicing mindfulness and gratitude, you can find happiness in the here and now.
So What are the Truths About Happiness?
Despite the idea that happiness requires significant effort and asks you to embrace well, unhappiness, don’t let this discourage you. In fact, let it empower you to take control of your own well-being and liberate you from the notion that your emotions can dictate your happiness.
By understanding this concept, you can overcome obstacles and stop chasing a non-existent ideal. Let’s talk about four truths of happiness that you can apply to transform your life.
Truth #1: Happiness Requires Real Effort
Happiness isn't just a feeling. Happiness is a complex emotional state that arises from a combination of positive emotions, life satisfaction, and a sense of purpose or meaning in life.
To be truly happy and fulfilled, we need to nourish all these aspects of our lives. Start by asking yourself if you're getting enough of the things that make you happy: time with friends and family, hobbies and interests, spiritual or religious practices, and a sense of accomplishment and purpose at work.
Truth #2: Happiness Requires You to Embrace the Yuck
When we're unhappy, our first instinct is often to try and get rid of it. We distract ourselves with social media, binge-watching TV, or indulging in food or alcohol. But this only perpetuates the cycle of unhappiness.
Instead of trying to eradicate your unhappiness, try to accept it. Acknowledge that it's a normal part of life, and that it will pass. Practice mindfulness and meditation to help you stay present and grounded in the moment, even when things are difficult.
Truth #3: Happiness is a Work in Progress
Setting goals and measuring progress is highly correlated with happiness. Being able to see a tangible path towards a specific accomplishment is a powerful motivator during even the most challenging of times. Research conducted by Harvard Business School found that setting goals led to greater levels of happiness and satisfaction. Participants in the study who set goals experienced not only an increase in well-being but also had more positive relationships and overall health.
Furthermore, setting realistic and achievable goals is crucial for our sense of self-efficacy, which in turn, leads to more motivated and action-oriented behaviours. Through consistent and incremental progress towards a goal, we begin to build confidence within ourselves and our abilities, leading to a more positive self-image and mindset. In line with this, a study by the American Psychological Association found that people who regularly set and achieve their goals report higher levels of happiness, self-esteem and resilience.
Truth #4: Happiness is Made from Daily Habits
Finally, there are four key habits that have been shown to increase happiness and fulfilment in life. These are:
- Gratitude: Take time each day to reflect on the things you're grateful for. This could be as simple as a beautiful sunset, a kind gesture from a friend, or a warm hug from a loved one.
- Kindness: Practice acts of kindness, no matter how small. This could be a smile and a compliment for a stranger, holding the door open for someone, or doing a small favour for a friend.
- Mindfulness: Practice being present and mindful in the moment. Focus on your senses and your breath and let go of any distracting thoughts or worries.
- Connection: Spend time nurturing your relationships with friends, family, and loved ones. Make time for meaningful conversations, shared experiences, and deep connections.
Final Thoughts
The pursuit of happiness is a universal desire that we all share. However, in our search for this elusive emotion, we often fall prey to popular misconceptions and false promises. It isn't removing all problems from your life that will bring you lasting joy, but rather practicing gratitude, fostering meaningful connections, having a sense of purpose, and spreading kindness. These elements are within your control and can be cultivated every day to enhance your overall well-being.
Take a moment to reflect on your own life and see where these four truths about happiness may be lacking or could be further strengthened. Remember that it is never too late to make positive changes and prioritize your own well-being. If you need support along the way, don't hesitate to reach out for help from professionals at Elevate Counseling. Our team is dedicated to guiding you on your journey towards a happier and more fulfilling life.