Does the following sound familiar? You feel discouraged with everyone you meet, and you’re tired of being disappointed. Dating seems like this massive, agonizing chore- and yet, you still hold onto some hope that the right person is out there. You want commitment, but it doesn’t seem like it’s in the cards right now.

Are you doing something wrong? Do you need to reevaluate your process? 

Maybe! Dating can be frustrating, but engaging in certain dating mistakes might complicate your process. Here are some common offenders worth noting.

Your Standards Are Impossible  

It’s great to have high standards. You should seek out high-value people who honor your well-being and can offer what you want in a relationship. You shouldn’t settle for less than what you deserve. 

But you also need to be realistic. Nobody is perfect, and dismissing people automatically may eliminate some amazing potential.

So while it’s okay to have a list of non-negotiable boundaries or expectations, consider where you also need to be flexible. And try to avoid assuming you know someone until you’ve actually met them! 

You Don’t Have Boundaries 

Dating can be exciting and scary and confusing- all at the same time. But having boundaries keeps you feeling grounded in yourself.

Your boundaries can be emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial. Ideally, they represent a moral code of ethics for how you treat yourself (and how you expect others to treat you).

If you lack these boundaries, you risk people taking advantage of you or making dating all about their needs. This is a recipe for feeling resentful or disappointed.

You Don’t Have a Good Relationship With Yourself 

If you lack compassion, forgiveness, or kindness to yourself, it’s hard to extend love to other people. When it comes to dating, you might become overly dependent on others to provide you with the validation you need.

Building a loving relationship with yourself can take time. But it’s worth the effort and investment. When you truly value yourself, you refuse to tolerate people or situations that fail to honor your well-being. 

You Move Too Quickly 

While there isn’t a defined pace for dating, most couples agree that taking things slowly yields better outcomes than going too fast. You want to get to know the other person before diving in fully. Likewise, you also want them to get to know you.

The right relationship will unfold organically and evolve at a reasonable pace. Some signs that you might move too quickly include: 

• Disregarding other relationships as soon as you meet someone new.

• Taking on all your new partner’s hobbies or interests.

• Having serious talks about commitment before knowing basic details about one another.

• Compromising your values to impress or “keep” a new partner.

You’re Still Involved With Your Ex

It’s okay if you aren’t completely over your last relationship. But if the status with your ex is “complicated,” dating is going to feel particularly challenging.

This is because you will naturally compare any potential partner to your ex. Or, you’ll still be hoping that things work with your ex, making it difficult to fully immerse yourself in meeting new people. 

If you want to succeed at dating, it's time to focus on moving on from your ex. Cut your ties, unfriend or block, and avoid as much contact as possible. Take some time to work on rebuilding your relationship with yourself, even if that means committing to being single for a while. Doing so allows you to focus on your future.

You Aren’t Really Ready 

Dating sometimes comes down to timing. And while there might not be a perfect time to meet someone, there are notably concerning times when you may be more vulnerable. These times include:

• Just after a breakup or divorce

• After making a significant mental health change (getting sober, starting therapy)

• Acute grief

• When someone else tells you that you should be dating

It’s okay if you aren’t ready. For example, if you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, it’s important to take care of yourself. Try to honor your needs for self-care and self-compassion right now. 

While you may be tempted to distract yourself by dating, this strategy can backfire. If you’re coping with a signifiicant transition or loss, you need to allow yourself time to grieve and cope. Otherwise, you risk complicating your healing process. 

You Assume the Worst 

Do you assume everyone will eventually hurt you? Or that any relationship is inherently doomed? 

Relationship anxiety is very real, and dating can feel traumatic if you’ve had a history of abuse or infidelity. If you assume the worst, your mind and body are trying to protect you from harm.

Unfortunately, this thought process can fuel a self-fulfilling prophecy. You risk filtering out anything positive when you expect bad things to happen. You might also subconsciously seek poor partners or unknowingly sabotage relationships before giving someone a chance. 

Are These Dating Mistakes Holding You Back? 

Dating is a vulnerable process, and there isn’t a perfect way to meet new people. If you struggle with depression, anxiety, poor self-esteem, or if you have a history of poor boundaries or relationships, you may be more susceptible to making such dating mistakes. 

Therapy can help! You deserve to enjoy meaningful relationships and find the type of commitment you want. We are here to support you. Contact us today to get started.