What happens when your child takes a toy from another child? You ask them to apologize. What do you do when you’re at the grocery store, and you accidentally bump your shopping cart into a stranger? You probably say sorry automatically!

That said, many people struggle with the magnitude of this concept. They don’t apologize when it’s most important. Instead, they often become defensive, guarded, or even combative. 

Learning how to say sorry genuinely can make a tremendous difference in your relationships and well-being. Let’s get into some of the key benefits of apologizing. 

It Increases Self-Awareness 

When you apologize, you take the time to recognize that you hurt someone. Over time, this action enhances your insight. You can learn to become more sensitive or attuned to others. You can focus on becoming a better listener. 

Without this self-awareness, it’s easy to continue engaging in the same problematic patterns. Apologies demonstrate strength- you are strong enough to recognize that you want to act differently next time. 

It Acknowledges Personal Responsibility

We are only human, which means we will make many mistakes in life. Inevitably, you will hurt people, even when it’s unintentional. 

If you want to have meaningful relationships, you must be willing to assume accountability for your actions. Doing so conveys a willingness to learn, grow, and reconcile your mistake. 

It also demonstrates humility to the other person- you can recognize that you have hurt them and take ownership of it. This pattern may encourage your loved ones to follow suit.

It Can Help Repair Connection 

Many times, conflicts escalate because one or both parties want to be right. Additionally, our pride can prohibit us from building intimate connections with others.

When this happens, other people might feel uneasy around you. They may not feel as comfortable disagreeing with you because they know it could turn into some battle.

The opposite is also true. When you choose to take ownership with an apology, you open the possibility for relational repair.  If someone knows that you are open and willing to acknowledge your shortcomings, they tend to be more likely to trust you.

How to Apologize Correctly 

Saying sorry may work for toddlers, but adults know it isn’t just about mumbling the word. Sincerity counts, and an appropriate apology needs to be genuine and compassionate to be effective. 

Acknowledge Exactly What You Did

I’m sorry I didn’t make that phone call. 

I’m sorry that I called you dumb.

I’m sorry that I raised my voice.

Be specific and label your wrong action. Avoid justifying your apology with backhanded statements like, I thought it was for the best or, I didn’t realize it would make you so mad. These statements- even if they feel true- place blame onto someone or something else. 

If you aren’t entirely sure what you did wrong, you can say something along the lines of, I sense that I hurt your feelings, and I am so deeply sorry for that.

Tell Them How You Intend to Make Things Right 

I am going to make that phone call right now.

You’re absolutely not dumb. I will do my absolute best to not use that word again.

I will work on keeping my voice at a reasonable level, even when we argue. 

When sharing your intentions, you must avoid making grandiose promises. In most cases, it’s entirely unrealistic to change a deeply-rooted pattern in just one take. However, you should convey what you plan to do moving forward.

Follow Through With Your Intentions

Of course, it isn’t the apology that heals a relationship. It’s the subsequent actions that occur afterward.

What makes someone reliable and trustworthy? It isn’t them being a perfect partner or friend or employee. It’s them recognizing their shortcomings, acknowledging when they make a mistake, and making a legitimate effort to change their ways.

If you want to have satisfying relationships, you must strive to be the kind of friend you would like to have. If you need to improve something, you owe it to yourself to make those internal changes. Such changes may include:

• Becoming a better listener. 

• Setting appropriate boundaries with others.

• Being mindful of how you speak.

• Implementing more stress or anger management techniques. 

• Increasing your awareness of how your actions affect others. 

Final Thoughts on the Benefits of Apologizing 

Even when we love someone deeply, relationships can be tricky. It’s often challenging to navigate different emotions, needs, and temperaments.

That said, one of the best benefits of apologizing is that you don’t have to pretend everything needs to be done or said perfectly! In a sense, you have already anticipated that mistakes and conflicts will arise. Rather than feel afraid, you feel prepared to tackle them. 

At Elevate Counseling, we believe increasing personal accountability is an essential part of mental health. You can’t change other people, but you can focus on changing yourself. Harnessing the power of apologizing will remind you of this important lesson.