Teenagers are a special breed, aren’t they? You went through the rocky phase yourself once. But as a parent, you may still find yourself feeling tired, baffled, and frustrated with your child.

These feelings are normal!  The adolescence period can be so challenging. The teenage years consist of numerous changes- both physically and emotionally. Your little boy or girl is quickly moving into adulthood, and this transition isn’t always effortless. 

With that in mind, you can still maintain a healthy relationship with your child. It all comes down to self-awareness and intention. Let’s get into what you need to know about communicating with your teenager effectively.

Do Understand Their Need For Privacy

Teenagers need space, and there’s no way around that. They want to spend time with their friends and be alone. They’re developing their identities, and they need your support to do so. 

Although their distancing may seem like a personal attack to you, it’s not. Privacy is simply an important part of a child’s self-development. You giving them privacy conveys that you trust them to make good choices. 

Privacy doesn’t have to be complicated to be effective. Make sure to respect their personal belongings and bedroom and don’t snoop around. This means it's not ok to read their text messages or pry into their social media without their permission. Doing so is the quickest way to create anger and discord.

Do Set And Implement Boundaries 

As a parent, it’s your job to keep your child safe and protected. It’s also your job to facilitate a nurturing environment that promotes their growth. 

Healthy boundaries help teenagers understand their limits. Parents often struggle with the adolescent phase because their children start pushing the limits. However, the more you reinforce them, the more you convey your consistency.

Boundaries come in many forms, and they will vary based on your child and their personality. That said, you must be willing to uphold your boundaries if you want your child to follow them. If you’re unable to maintain the limits you set, there’s a good chance your child will try to take advantage of you. 

Do Listen Actively and Compassionately 

Many parents unknowingly dismiss their child’s emotions. But your teenager’s experiences are very real. Even if the feelings pass, that doesn’t make them invalid. Don’t disregard authentic experiences for being “just a phase.”  

Listen and try to accept your teen’s feelings and experiences for what they are. Parents often jump in to offer advice to their struggling teenagers. Unfortunately, this strategy usually backfires. When your child confides in you, they often just want you to listen and show support. They don’t want you telling them what to do.

If you’re not sure how to help, ask your child! After they disclose something, consider asking, how can I best support you right now? This neutral question gives them the power to decide how you can be there for them.

Don’t Use Guilt Or Shame To Change Their Behavior

No matter how much you love your child, you won’t always agree with their choices. And at times, you will need to discipline their behavior. 

However, don’t try to guilt and shame your child into acting a certain way. This method only tends to perpetuate feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth. It also tends to instill fear into your child. When your child fears you, they may be inclined to lie or sneak behind your back.

If your child did something wrong, focus on highlighting the behavior and not your child directly. You can highlight your expectations without demeaning who they are as a person. 

Don’t Betray Their Trust 

Trust is fragile for everyone, but it’s extremely critical to your teenager. If your teenager trusts you, they’re more likely to communicate openly with you. The opposite is also true. If your teenager feels like you can’t be safe or trusted, they’ll withhold and guard themselves.

Remember that trust must be earned. You can’t just ask for it outright. You need to convey that you’re there for your child unconditionally. You also need to demonstrate that you honor their trust by keeping whatever they tell you confidential.

Don’t Force Them To Talk To You

Sometimes, despite your best intentions, your teenager won’t want to talk to you. As frustrating as this can be, don’t force unwanted conversation. Chances are, they just need time to process their feelings.

When teenagers feel forced to do something, they often withdraw, rebel, or both. None of these outcomes help your relationship. Instead, let your child know you’re there for them whenever they’re ready to talk.

Why Communicating With Your Teenager Is So Important

The teenage years can be grueling, but they’re also fleeting. How you treat your child during this time can fundamentally impact their growth. It can also affect the kind of relationship the two of you have as they transition into adulthood.

At Elevate Counseling, we support parents and their teenagers navigate these new transitions. If you’re struggling, we’re here to help.