As parents, we play a vital part in helping our children navigate life and discover happiness and achievement. Witnessing their growth and celebrating their accomplishments is a joyous experience for us. However, as they enter their teenage years and seek more freedom, we are faced with new challenges. 

Naturally, we want to protect our children and ensure their safety. Yet, there are times when teenagers exhibit concerning behaviors that can be alarming, and even frightening. One such behavior that is particularly worrisome and often misunderstood is self-harm.

What is Self-Harm?

Self-harm, also known as self-injury or non-suicidal self-injury, is when someone intentionally hurts their body without the intent to die. It is important to understand that self-harm is not a suicide attempt, but rather a coping mechanism for overwhelming emotional pain.

This kind of behavior can take many forms, and it is often difficult to detect. Some of the most common types of self-harm include cutting, burning, hitting oneself, and scratching. Teens may also engage in self-harm by pulling out their hair or picking at their skin. It is important to note that self-harm can happen in any form, and a child may be experiencing self-harming behavior in a way that is secretive and not visible.

Obviously, it’s heartbreaking and frightening to hear the words “self-harm.” As hard as it can be to talk about self-harming behaviors with teenagers, it is absolutely necessary. Teens aren’t trying to be defiant or manipulative when they engage in self-harming behavior; rather, these hurtful coping mechanisms can reflect the difficulty of navigating an adolescence fraught with anxiety and stress.

Why Do Teens Engage in Self-harming Behaviors?

There are many reasons why teenagers may engage in self-harming behaviors. It can be a way for them to cope with different emotions such as sadness, anxiety, anger, or feeling overwhelmed.

Self-harm can also be used as a way to regain control over their lives, which can feel like it is spinning out of control. Additionally, some teens use self-harm as a way to punish themselves for perceived faults, or to communicate emotional pain to others.

Finally, self-harm can be a sign of a deeper mental health issue. For this reason self-harm should never be ignored as a passing phase and further exploration to uncover the root cause is crucial.

How is Self-harm Different than Suicidal Ideation?

It is important to distinguish self-harm from suicidal ideation. Suicidal ideation is when someone has thoughts of ending their life. While both self-harm and suicidal ideation can be concerning, they are not the same thing. Self-harm is about coping with emotional pain and trying to find a way to deal with intense feelings.

Suicidal ideation, on the other hand, is about ending one’s life. It is essential to seek professional help if either self-harm or suicidal ideation is suspected in your teenager.

How to Talk to Your Teen About Self-harm

It can be challenging to talk to your teenager about self-harm, but it is vital to approach the topic with compassion, empathy, and understanding. Here are some tips that might help: 

1. Be patient and take your time to approach the topic. Self-harm is a sensitive issue, and you do not want to make your child feel attacked or ashamed.

2. Choose the right time and place. Do not bring up the topic of self-harm when your child is upset or during an argument. Find a time that is relaxed and when your teenager can give the conversation their full attention.

3. Listen without judgment. Allow your child to express their thoughts and feelings without interrupting or criticizing them. Nod your head, maintain eye contact, and let them have the floor to talk.

4. Be supportive. Let your teenager know that you are there to support them, and that there are ways to get through what they are experiencing. Encourage your child to seek professional help if they are struggling with intense emotions, or if they have engaged in self-harm before.

If You Suspect Your Teen is Self-Harming, Here’s What To Do Next

There is no single way to respond when a teen is engaged in self-harm. However, there are some steps that parents can take to help their child: 

Stay calm and avoid blame. Your child needs your empathy and understanding, rather than criticism or blaming.

Seek professional help. Self-harm can be a symptom of an underlying mental health condition that requires treatment. An experienced therapist can work with your child to find appropriate coping strategies and therapies.

Encourage your teenager to verbalize their feelings. Encourage your child to talk about their feelings with you or a professional therapist. This can help them express the emotions that drive self-harm and find alternative ways to cope.

Create a safe and supportive environment. Help initiate alternative coping strategies and create a safe space for them to discuss their feelings. Respect their emotions and provide a supportive environment where they feel loved, understood and accepted.

Final Thoughts

Teen and self-harm is a sensitive issue that requires empathy, compassion, and understanding. As parents, we need to create a safe, loving, and judgement-free environment for our children to communicate their feelings and get the professional help they need.

It is important to remember that self-harm is not a suicide attempt, but rather a way to cope with intense emotions. By taking the necessary steps, we can help our teenagers through this difficult time and give them the support they need to manage their emotions positively and constructively.