Merry-making runs rife during the holiday season. Everything from entertainment to the radio, the local shops, and your next-door neighbor’s decorations are part of the joyous occasion.

Loved ones fly in to spend time together and friends send messages of joy and hope. Even the corporate world holds parties, events, or activities to celebrate the end of the year. For someone navigating grief, however, this season can quickly become a nightmare.

Grief will not take a back seat simply because it is the holiday season. It is a horrible reminder that life goes on even after losing a loved one. If you are mourning the death of a loved one or even the loss of a relationship, here are ways you can survive the holiday season while grieving. 

There is no Right Way to Mourn During the Holiday Season

There is no right way to grieve - no formula for the number of days to nurse the pain. Grief is very personal. Even members of the same household mourn differently. Everybody does what enables them to cope.

Some people turn to religion for solace. Others immortalize their deceased loved ones to keep their memory alive. Do what you must during the bereavement period, regardless of the season.  

You Must Feel it to Heal it

 Suppressing emotions, particularly grief, can create a rebound effect that ultimately increases the pain and heartache and makes processing and healing more challenging.  Research shows the rebound effect increases negative affection, anxiety, and distress. It also evokes rumination, or persistent and uncontrollable negative thinking.

Allow yourself to fully experience whatever emotions are surfacing at the time, even when they are painful or do not match the “holiday spirit.” Nobody will chastise you for excusing yourself to cry or for expressing your sadness  (and those who do…well, let’s just say, they aren’t worth your energy). Allow yourself to mourn your loss, feel the heartbreak, and embrace your grief. It is the only way to truly heal. 

 Pay Extra Attention to Your Emotions

Death has a finality that shakes even the strongest of individuals to the core. It is the reason why grief can trigger depression. Left uncontrolled, depression can become severe and be more difficult to treat. It is important to pay close attention to your emotions while you mourn to ensure that the more typical symptoms of grief do not become something more severe like complicated grief or even depression.

Think of your internal experience as messengers for how well you are doing or where you may need to focus some extra time and attention. For instance, if you find that you desire to be alone all of the time when you normally enjoy the company of others, this is likely a sign that your grief is running the show. While it is important to allow yourself to rest and spend time alone following a loss, it is also important not to isolate, as social isolation can make matters worse.  

Give Yourself Permission to Feel the Positive Emotions

Just because you are navigating grief does not mean you are not allowed to feel happiness, though sometimes it may feel uncomfortable or even wrong to experience positive emotions in the midst of the loss. Avoid forcing yourself into feeling blue just because you are mourning.

You deserve to participate in merry-making if you want. It may be just the thing you need to help you get to the acceptance stage of grief. It can also be a way to honor your loved one, who in all likelihood, would want you to be happy. 

Honor the Memory of Your Loved One

Honoring the memory of your loved one is a great way of including them in the holiday season. Just because your loved one is not physically present does not mean you should not speak about them, share memories, or even set a place for them at the table.

Take time to share a favorite story or picture, wear an article of their clothing or jewelry, or toast your loved one. Just as we grieve the loss, we can also celebrate a life well-lived. 

Connect With Friends and Supportive Family

Resist the urge to isolate, as this can make symptoms worse. Depression thrives in isolation. Spend time around loved ones and let them take care of you. Love, support, and affection release feel-good hormones that inhibit depression and anxiety.

Turning towards rather than away from loved ones can also ensure that you continue to take care of yourself and meet your basic needs. If you have had the desire to or have already engaged in less healthy coping mechanisms like starving yourself, drinking too much, or not bathing, having others around can be a deterrent. 

 See A Therapist

A therapist can help guide you through the grieving process if the pain feels difficult to manage on your own. They can serve as a consistent support system along your journey and can often offer new perspectives and techniques that you may not have considered. The therapist also serves as an accountability partner, as they can help to keep you from slipping into maladaptive patterns or engaging in unhealthy behaviors that can increase negative emotions. 

If you're experiencing grief this holiday season, or anytime throughout the year, feel free to reach out to talk to us about starting therapy.