You’re tired of having the same fights. The resentment keeps growing, but you don’t know where to turn next. How do you strengthen your relationship? How do you restore a connection that feels hopelessly lost? 

If you want to strengthen your relationship, it’s important to remember that most of the work is internal. At first, this might seem counterintuitive. After all, relationships involve two people. But since we can’t control other people (even our partners), change most often starts with ourselves.

In doing this important work, you can avoid many fundamental relationship problems. Moreover, if issues do arise, you’ll be able to do your part to resolve them.

Acknowledging Your Flaws 

Self-confrontation refers to the ability to face your own weaknesses or mistakes. This trait is key to having healthy relationships.  It allows you to understand how you potentially sabotage the dynamics between you and your partner. 

Yet, many of us avoid confronting ourselves because we feel so much shame. Deep down, we might feel unworthy or unlovable. These thoughts magnify our mistakes- they serve as evidence seemingly proving that we aren’t good enough. 

As a result, we often blind ourselves to our growth process. We become defensive when anyone brings them up, and we turn the focus away from ourselves and shift them onto our partner. Over time, this pattern becomes destructive, as you and your partner both play a dangerous part in the blame game. 

Validating Yourself And Your Partner

Many of us enter relationships believing our partners need to validate us- and vice versa.  At first, this is easy. When the relationship is new and exciting, you both show each other your very best sides. Likewise, you both feel exhilarated, feeling that you can finally be happy now that you have someone to constantly validate you.

However, this novel phase doesn’t last forever. Reality sets in, and you eventually see each other’s flaws. Sometimes, partners start pulling away from the validation. They might even become more critical, especially when they want to preserve themselves from shame. 

Validating yourself and your partner is essential. You are good enough. You are worthy of love. Your imperfections do not define your worth.

Furthermore, your partner has value. They matter in your life, and you believe in them. You love them for who they are. Even if you know this, don’t forget to tell them! Everyone likes to be praised.

Having Intrinsic Goals

Having intrinsic goals is related to improved relationships and self-confidence. Intrinsic goals come from within, which means you depend less on others for approval. 

For instance, an intrinsic goal might be donating to charity so you can help others. On the other hand, an extrinsic goal is donating to charity, posting about it on social media, and waiting to be acknowledged. Intrinsic goals are a way to be responsible for making yourself happy, rather than feeling dependent on someone else to do it. 

Intrinsic goals can give you a sense of direction and purpose in life. They can help you to be self-sustaining--able to make yourself happy. Subsequently, they can strengthen your relationship because they boost your overall personality.

Acknowledging You Can Be Happy (With And Without Your Partner)

Relationships are exciting, but you need to trust you can be content on your own. When we fall into codependency patterns, we tend to feel even more incomplete and anxious. We turn to our partners for even more validation.

To feel more complete, you must focus on building a relationship with yourself. Can you tap into more self-love? If you can do this, you will realize that time spent with your partner will feel more fun, natural, and conducive to genuine connection. 

Aiming To See Disagreements More Positively 

How often do you fight with your partner? Do you lash out? Engage in silent treatment? Do you hate difficult communication altogether? 

Many people believe that disagreements are terrible experiences that must be avoided. The thought process makes sense. Conflict can feel scary and frustrating. But perception can become a negative self-fulfilling prophecy, and it can lead to even more fights. It doesn’t have to be this way.  

When you approach arguments in a more positive light, then it can change the way they transpire. The way you talk to yourself about your weaknesses will change, and the way you talk to your spouse about the problem will change. Overall, the fight will be more effective in cultivating a greater connection. 

Practice focusing on what you can learn from your conflict. How can you grow as a person- both internally and as a partner?

Final Thoughts On How To Strengthen Your Relationship

Feeling secure in relationships is essential to happiness. The decision to strengthen your relationship comes from a place of love, self-sacrifice, and commitment. When you and your partner are both collaborative in this process, you can enjoy a more meaningful dynamic. 

At Elevate Counseling, we support both individuals and couples looking to optimize their relationships. We’re ready to help you.